Day 30: man...

man... i really got to stopp going far talking to grace... i meaann... i shouldnt be HER bestest friend.. thats what her BESTEST freinds are for.. regina especially.. but since the past months things have been rough between them...i just want to step in and heelp grace when she needs it... it jsut i go to far... i dont feel like my relationship with grace is strong enough for her to tell about her struggles she holds with life, and BOYS especially.. i shouldnt have asked her.. its jsut.. i want to be there for her... and be the best of friend i can be for her.. i dont mean too.. but huh... shes in deeep stuff i have to know of but... if she is willing to tell.. i am with open ears for her... but if not.. i TOTALLY understnad... but... i really hope is doing okay... the last BIG thing she told... "i think im giving up".... breaks my heart to hear one my CLOSEST freinds.. actaully...MY best friend...to see her fall like this...God pleassee help her father... bless every moment she moves and breathes... father show that there is hope and love her and provide for her through her every need... she needs all the help she needs :/

Day 29: i miss her.. :(

i wont get to see regina for the next 8 days... :( huh... i miss her... jealous of anything.. dam right i am... shes fricking going to PROM with this guy named john... man... i thought i d be the only one taking her to prom... why am i waiting for senior to do everything... i dunnooo im still going along with it.. so UNTIL SENIOR year...

i miss her a lot... shes the one person i look forward to seeing and being with every week .... hope this week goes by fast... :/

Day 28: YES FINALLY!!!

things are finnalyl fixed betweeen me and regina :) im soooo happppy! i was succch GIDDY MOOD today HAHAH! <3.... i did admit i liked her... but it wont change anything i know that for sure... i jsut have a feeling it wont... i dunnooo i didnt bother asking her if she liked me...i just didnt really care... haha im gladd our freindship is back in order... but grace.. man... shes has it rough... i knowww she is wondering why regina opened up to me and not her but.. dont worrry grace... it will all be fixed sooon....  i talked grace last night with regina.. i finally got to the bottomm of it with regina... and regina is going to talk to grace soooon and fix everything... I CANT WAIT TIL SHE DOES :D HAHAHA... finallyy things are getting back to the way it shoould be...

how bold of me... before i walked out the door after we talked... and looked back and just huggeddd regina knowing everyhting is finally fixed and none of this will hapenn anytime soon... i wasss really happpyy during that moment :)

Day 27: I think I've given up

im just done... haha... i dunno.. i dont relly care anymore.. like this whole thing with regina.... its nothing now.. ive beeeen normally.. ive been off in schooll. ihave been stepping it up lately.. i dunnoo... huh... can i last without talking to regina ever??... :/ who knowsss.. but i will during this journey... mmm:/ im worried for grace... i knooww she still cares A LOT about her relationship with regina... mmm i hope things works out for them tooo soon... im not use to seeing those two not commune, laugh together.. having iside jokes.. hearing nikcnames they created out loud.. esp.. batman.. and spiderman... haha but ... im concerned for grace.. she neeeds a best friend...soo yeah.. living life as it iss...

Day 26: not going my way....

well.... today didnt go as planned.. regina didnt even come to church today.. aparently she was sick :(... huh.. i wanted to talk to her today.. but i gave the day to grace... she needs it more than i do... apparently her talk with regina didnt go so well either.. based on her mood all day :/... man.. i really missed regina... when i sat down on the couch.. and i saw her walk down... huh..i really miss herr... she is so beyond amazing... mmmmm... i guess this predicament is dragiing even more longer... huh..... i forgot how wonderful regina is....this problem... has drawn me away from all this... huh... i miss her....

Day 25: this is it... this ends now...

i have to talk to her tomorrow... im reallyl nervous though.. huh.. but all ahas to end.. for the sake of grace and me...i miss her too much.. knowing that she is ignoring me becuase shes giving me to grace.. its ridicuolous.. huh... shes saddd... i know it.. i want to talk to her.. MAN UP ANDY!... this is it.. tomorrow.... talk to regina... gotta plan how i should do it tonight...

Day 24: what said is said...

misunderstandings.... i hate them... they can goo diee.... i actually thought regina was jealous of grace.. but knowing its the other way around.. its pretty embarassing..... she knows i like her... huh.. .wow...i didnt want any of this too happeen... i wanted a low key liking her.. but i guess she knowsss now... watever.. eff it... i dunno anymores....

can't sleep...

ahhh... i talked to grace todayy...we talked about regina....her friend david gave her advice "to give her time and space"....i seriously took that into consideration...it really opened my eyes to how this situation has beeen affecting me... im just really tired how these past 2 months are going... it just effen pisses me off to see myselff wasting my frickin time moping and being emo and craappp... i dunnoo at the same... i still want to be that innocent who is still wanting to get her to talk to me... is it really worth my patience.. my time.. my effort...? really...im just really agnry at myself to let such a small thing affect my life...its just hard...for moment i actually thought of forgetting everything... forgetting all ties with regina...putting the things we have done together behind... these things sound harsh.... my life has been a wreck.. i wish i could tell this to regina.. how this situation is effen me up.... like my grades have been dropping... like...in apush... i got a 8/25 on my test i took last week.. o my gawwdd when i saw that score...i was dissappointed in myself...i just feeell soo much anger right now... EFF!... i just dunnooo anymoree... really? am i really going to end it all?... just goo trough life as none of this happened.. as if regina was just another person i go to church with.. or am i going continue trying fight through this crap my life has gotten into....and continue to be patient and find a way to make things better with me and regina.. i seriously dont knoww...AAH! frickin A..im really confused..\
i always thought i wasnt a jealous person... heck... i was wrong... everyone in this world is effen jealous .. there is no way around jealousy...everyone wants something.. soem tiems you get it... someimes you wont.. thats life... thats jealousy... seeeing her smiling.. having the time of her life... as if none this is affecting her... taking pictures with mathew on oovoo and the people at westminster high school... even the way she acts around billy...i think shes gone to far with this whole billy thing.... i know grace thinks billy is the cutest kid in the world but seriously...i dont see her going as far as she does... really now?... i think its too much regina...heck... i lied...i am a jealous person...what can i do about it... i dunnoo... do i hate being this way?....i despise it...
who the helll cares anymore right?... i just like this girll... i like regina nguyen bui... but so waht?.so what if i spent 7 years of my dam life knowing her.. so what if i spent two weeks in te most beautiful place called Alaska iwth such an amazing girl.. so what if we so much in common,,, so what if we gone so many laces together as kids such las vegas, grand canyon, scaremento,... soo what if i shared so many experiences with her... so what if i wake up everyday excited to say goodmorning to her... so what if i waited soo patiently for her to go sleep so i can text her a 1 page long goodnight text to her saying how amazing a smile she has... soo what if i did all tese things... and yet im stuck in this situation... her not alking to me... ignoring me...
i wouldnt be surprised if she hated me...i myself have been ignoring her... ive decided not to talk to her as she decided to not talk to me....... we've been through this before... it only lasted a week...it was my fault.. i ignored her...the sunday before that horrigying week... i felt as if she didnt want to talk to me anymore... she couldnt match my enthusiasm to ttalk to each oter as i did.. soo ignored...i was just soo mad at her tat week... i decided not tto talk to her...it was the biggest mistake ive ever made...how idiotic i can bee...after that one week... i went to talk her no thats a lie... i effing texted her... that i was sorrry.. i texted her.. gawddd what weak ass move... i texted regina that i was sorrry...seriously andy?? TEXT???......after that things went back to normal...but. it was always awkward for me...few months later... crap.. here i am... writing this blogg....i seeem soo angry yeah?...but watever... i just couldnt take holding so much anger i have gathering up in myself... here it is... thre truth you go it... why now....i dont effing know.....
id always tell myself i will go talk her or.. i have to talk to her soon... or id always hope for a dam miracle to come and fix everything... but who am i kidding... i talk the talk but never walk the walk... i can never step up and jsut talk to her... im always waitng for that right moment...im always waiting.. yeaaap... just waiting...

huh... i seem soo mad in this blogg.. i amm to be honest... if this is called venting.. heck ima beast.. hehe... im sorry grace if you are reading... sorry for all the cussing... there was no otehr way to put it... i dont want to seem like im a selfish bad guy.. i just feel soo angry right now...i dont to make regina seem like a bad person.. shes not .. shes a wonderfull girll... this situation has just gotten to me.. i dont take back what i said... i dunnoo it felt good...
do i give up or i dont... i still dont know yet... but im leaning towards the not giving up part... there is still part of me that still wants everthing back... its fighting and fighting... but its going no where... unless i ACTUALLY do something about.. instead ssitting around moping and being sad...huh... i really dont want to post this... but i will anyways... i just... huh...watever...

i laid on my bed for 30 minutes... couldnt sleep thinking about all this... closed my eyes and tried to force myself to sleep.. didnt work... huh...

Day 23: remembering all the good times..

well... todaay was okay... won a volleyball game today... the other were TRASH... they stunk... we smashed on them haha... ahhh school was okay... had a lot of tests... i did goood on them... yet another.. where i didnt care much about schoooll... :/.... Kimi texted me if i wanted to go take pictures at a banquet for her... she said regina would be there tooo playing piano.. i said yeeaaah in a instant.. but i later found out i had a volleyball game that day...but i asked kimi if i can come late.. her response is pending... huh... i felt like that day would be the perfect opportunity to go talk to her alone.... if this situation does drag any longerr... i hope not...but i look forward to that day... after the volleyball game.. i ate at mr. lee's with my friend.. another MAN date haha... when i walked in the restuarant... huh all the goood times me and regina had together hit me... i just thought about all the moments we had while eating some goood KOGI haha...but i just sat and pondered on the things...i just wass soo happy while eating... i would smile sometimes... and my friend would look at me wierd haha... man... i miss everything... in the end.... there was this plate of mash potatoes that ARE REALLY GOOD...me and regina shoved whole a plate in our mouths ...together.... the last time we ate there together with the youth... mmmm :/ but now things have been off the past 2 monthss... i just dunno anymore... oh... i just recieved a text from kimi and she said i cant come late...she needs me there early... im really sad now.. :/ aaaaahhh! this is ridiculous... how long is this going to last... im losing it right now.. huh... today was another one of those dayss... still cussing... still not caring... still sad... i jsut dunnnooo anymoree....everyday.. i would see regina go on facebook & oovoo... i would just sit at my computer looking through all these pictures her with her firends at westminster and pictures of her with matthew talking on oovoo... im just looking and i realize how happy shee looks and how fine she is...i get the feeling that shee doesnt care about the situation im going through and what Grace is through as well... im just really confused.... does she care? thats the question that troubles me the most.... i have SAT on saturday.. im looking forward to that day.. thats when me, tony, grace, regina, maybe marie im not sure, and wanda are going to hang out! SHOOOOT!!! i still need to plannn oopps... uhmmmm okaaay uhh.. ill plan today and tomorrow... im really worried about SAT as well... o goodness.... my second time... i gotta get higher than my other score...i dont wanna waste my money haha... but i need to study for that on friday.. proabably not going to bible study friday...i'll see wat happens...today was okay... song of the day... Love, love, love by avalanche city..."Girl I say, if only life would lean our way, well you and me we’d run away to be where ever our adventure waits. And time would be a distant memory, nobody could tell us to stay" ... mmmm :/ goood stuuff... welll today was .... a flashback... remembering all the times... with regina....


hope things get better soon...i really miss her...

Day 22: things have changed...

aaahh... ever since last month... things have changed... i dunnoo anymore... gosssh.... everything seeemss sooo out of place... my school life, personal life, and my mind and emotions.. it sooo different now... ive beeen soo worked up on this girll.. honestly its beeen affecting my everyday life... i cant bear another moment knowing she is not talking to me... my temper, my emotions, my mindset... huh.... its changed... ivee beeen getting a lot lazzzy these days... i havent been doing hw on a regular basis... especially math hw... i havent beeen doing it for the past few days... good thing my teach accpets hw late and still gives full credit haha..ahhh.... how can something soo smalll... can have such a big outcome in my daily life... everyday i would go through school feeling sooo down... ignoring people, sitting caring less about anything during class... i was just be going through the motions.. i just have been really off...huh... during volleyball is when i extract all my negative emotions... anger especailly.... i've beeen cussing a lot lately.. i usually dont doo that... i would have my occassionall slipp of a curse word... but huh... since last month... id sayy a bad word constantly during schoooll.. its not every sentence has a bad word but... i would cuss all daayy...especially in volleeyballl... id get soo angry and just ragee while playing.. i dunnooo...ive beeen offf... but everytime i do cuss... i just feeel that guilt and conviction... and i know i cussed and it feeels wrong....it soo out of control... ive said some during Jesus Club meetings...and huh... AH!... its beeen baddd... when i go home... i dunnooo... i just feeel so much relief.. that the day is done... so i can go onto the next... ahhh i just look forward to firdays and saturday... even though shes not talking to me... i still look forward to seeing her... but after those two days... id bee dissappointed especailly in myself.. for not talking to her... thisss has been going on for a while... i dunnoo when or how im going to approach her and talk to her... i hope soon...wow... things have changed...



going through each day just hoping... but as days go by.. id lose hope...

Day 21: when things are just fallin apart...

when you find yourself losing track of where you are in life, things are just falling apart...

when you sit around waiting for a miracle to happen,  things are just falling apart...

when you realize that people are slippin' away from,  things are just falling apart...

when your grade and school life is going,  things are just falling apart...

when you are crying or either contemplating deeply about how everything didn't go your way,  things are just falling apart...

when you see the people you love walk away from you, ignore you, and straight not want to talk to you,  things are just falling apart...

when all you can trust is God and no one else,  things are just falling apart...

when all things fail and you are just stick in a "rut",  things are just falling apart...

when all this crap in this world and your life is just bringing you down,  things are just falling apart...

when jealousy, anger, and unwanted emotion starts to kick in,  things are just falling apart...

when you accept a lost of hope and have feelings of insecurities,  things are just falling apart...

when you just... feel like this someone that you care about oh so dearly and you see this person just slip away from you more and more everyday... feeling like something missing everyday every time you don't hear this person voice... or you don't see this person's smile that leaves you in amazement... or don't receive the good morning texts or goodnight texts that you would get from this person every single night and morning... things are just falling apart...

when you just miss this person and just waiting to talk this person.... things are just falling apart...

... huh.... in my life..  things are just falling apart...

I just want everything we had back again... i miss it...

Day 20: Just Slippin' Away

havent written in this particular blogg in a while...but.......huh... i dunnoo...its not what it used to be anymore.. past 2 weeeks have been rough on me... knowing something what i found out about this one person has really gotten to mee.. i dunnoo how to react to this.. how to ttalk to this person.. and prevent losing what we have... everyday i would talk with this person... feeling as if this person doesnt want to talk to me anymore... knowing that this person is jealous of who i talk to... having this person's mom come up to me and telling how this person feels when i talk tto the people i talk to and too choose to either talk to this person.. or the other..and im just confusseddd of why this person mom would say this to me.. and it just has been bothering for dayss... unsure of how this person feeelss...its just i feel this person just slippin' away from me...i just miss what we had for a verry long time... i miss just talkin to this person knowing that this person actually wants to talk to me.. telling me about how this person's day was, how is life, ssaying goodmorning, saying goodnight...telinng each other to smile in everything we do ... everyday.... noww i feel like its a burden to this person just to talk to me....more like she doesnt want to talk to me because ive been talking to other people that this person is jealous of.. and i dunnoo... the way we talk to each.. seems like that fire, that fun, and that wanting to talk to each other.. is just gone now... & i miss that... everyday.. ive been waiting for that day to come.. so i can talk to this person.. and ask what is wrong..and how this person feels when ever we talk... because.. i just curious and feeel like this person.. and others are just slippin' away from me.



oh... and TUR.. if you are reading this haha im not sure if you are because you probably have a neww blogger.. its okaaay if you dooo.. i dont mind... i know you are following me on your previous one.....but i hope this newww BLOGGER OF YOURS IS GOING WELLL :D FRESH START haha