Day 22: things have changed...

aaahh... ever since last month... things have changed... i dunnoo anymore... gosssh.... everything seeemss sooo out of place... my school life, personal life, and my mind and emotions.. it sooo different now... ive beeen soo worked up on this girll.. honestly its beeen affecting my everyday life... i cant bear another moment knowing she is not talking to me... my temper, my emotions, my mindset... huh.... its changed... ivee beeen getting a lot lazzzy these days... i havent been doing hw on a regular basis... especially math hw... i havent beeen doing it for the past few days... good thing my teach accpets hw late and still gives full credit haha..ahhh.... how can something soo smalll... can have such a big outcome in my daily life... everyday i would go through school feeling sooo down... ignoring people, sitting caring less about anything during class... i was just be going through the motions.. i just have been really off...huh... during volleyball is when i extract all my negative emotions... anger especailly.... i've beeen cussing a lot lately.. i usually dont doo that... i would have my occassionall slipp of a curse word... but huh... since last month... id sayy a bad word constantly during schoooll.. its not every sentence has a bad word but... i would cuss all daayy...especially in volleeyballl... id get soo angry and just ragee while playing.. i dunnooo...ive beeen offf... but everytime i do cuss... i just feeel that guilt and conviction... and i know i cussed and it feeels wrong....it soo out of control... ive said some during Jesus Club meetings...and huh... AH!... its beeen baddd... when i go home... i dunnooo... i just feeel so much relief.. that the day is done... so i can go onto the next... ahhh i just look forward to firdays and saturday... even though shes not talking to me... i still look forward to seeing her... but after those two days... id bee dissappointed especailly in myself.. for not talking to her... thisss has been going on for a while... i dunnoo when or how im going to approach her and talk to her... i hope soon...wow... things have changed...



going through each day just hoping... but as days go by.. id lose hope...