Day 19: not really sure...

not really sure of where to go
not really sure of whats going on from head to toe

not really sure of this life

not really sure how i get through all the strife

not really sure which church to spend my Sundays

not really sure how i'll grow spiritually in my days

not really sure of what I'm doing daily

not really sure why things happen crazily

not really sure how I long i have been waiting

not really sure of the future in the making

not really sure why I'm not praying

not really sure why I'm not worshiping

not really sure why I have been talking but not doing

not really sure...

just not really sure.....

Day 18: The Book of Timothy with a Prayer

man today was cool beans haha... went to church.. had an awesome service... man we went over the Book of Timothy ... Anh Thanh (my pastor) spoke a GREAT sermon today.. man... Anh Thanh went over this letter paul wrote about Timothy... Timothy was a young man... a very unique man.. he was nothing like Paul the apostle. Out of all of Paul's letters to his disciples... Timothy was the only one not like Paul. Physically different and spiritually. Timothy at first a man... gave into the flesh, gave into the world, went through temptation.. Timothy was going through what a normal christian person goes through.. later on in the book of timothy.. Pastor Thanh talked how timothy changed.. How he had the following 5 characteristics of a good christian: Faith in god, The word (open doctrine), obedience, conviction, and being a servant to God. as Anh Thanh preached and explained these 5 characteristics.. it made me realize.. man Ive been in a dry season.
1. i havent been obeying gods word
2. i have not had great faith in god
3. i have been going against my convictions
4. i have been not a lot in the church that serves a purpose to the Lord
5. i havent been using the word..

these chracteristics really gave me a wake up call.. how lost i have been... This whole chapter was about How Timothy was like a "spiritual son" to paul... in an analogy.. this book is telling us how to be A "True SPIRITUAL SON" TO JESUS CHRIST at the end of the sermon anh thanh asked us the question:

"How could you be a "true spiritual son" of God? What will you do to become this person?"

- Pastor Thanh

Dear Lord,

Father i have been lost father.

i havent been using these five characteristics to be come a true son of yours father

i have been not useful of these characteristics that i have

i have had them in the past..

now.. im just slipping away father

Father i pray you just help bring me up to my feet and help walk foward 

forgetting all the things that i burden and forgoetting all the things that are not of you father

Father bring me revivial for i am dead spiritually father.

I thank you father everything you have given me father.

I thank for supplying for my needs,

giving enough to show how much you love me father

Father, i have been going through this really dry season father.

i just pray that you help me through this season father

i pray that feul the fire that need to strive for you father

Father i hunger and thirst for you 

I desire your love

I pray for a genuine revival father

God you are so merciful and loving.

You are so loving and caring that you sent you ONE And ONLY son father

this son, jesus christ, was all you had.. you gave everything to us

i want to thank you father by giving all i have to you 

With everything father.. 

i pray that you break down walls father

tearn down the walls that block our ways towards you father

father i am a dead fish floating with the current of the water...

father make me a alive.. be free and go against the current 

go against the world and go towards your path  father

Father please forgive my sins i have done

all the sins that showed disobedience and disrespect towards you and your word 

father i pray for the lost

those who dont know you

also those prodical sons that you want to come back to you father

i pray the people who dont know who you are

that they come to you and they seek your glory and your power and shwo them how much you love them father

father i pray that bring those who know you father but just are living in their ways and not of your way father

i pray that help them understand that they are nothing without you father

Father you ar so great..

father i pray for good night sleep

i pray for a new week 

and i pray that you guide through my troubles

i pray for my friends and family that they are safe

and just bless each one them father

father i pray in jesus name...

Amen.

Day 17: mysteries and unanswered questions

who i am?
what can i do?
what do i want to be?
who have i become?
where am i?
what am i doing?
why am i here?
who knows me?
Who can.... answer these questions?
the answer is you...
you is who you are
you can do whatever you want
you want to be whoever you want to be
you have become who you are
you are where you are
you are doing what you are doing
you are why you are here
you know only yourself not others
you is all you need.... let no one stand in your way.

Day 16:Life's Complicated Symphony

Life's Complicated Symphony

From the moment the sun dies

to the moment sun lives

from the moment darkness is king

to the moment light conquers

From hours of closed eyes

to the hours of of those that are open

I rise and wake

I stretch then shake

I wash then dry

I dress then say bye

As I arrive to the place where bells ring the most

As I arrive to first place in which I learn new things

As I watch some struggle and some getting by

As I watch some fuck around and some work

 Til' a break from days work and i see..

High school lovey dovey

Huh..pointless and overrated

Not out of jealousy

but out of how stupid it is

and how fast at see these relationships end

fuck it...what does it matter?

 I still walk foward

As I walk to the second place in which i learn new things

As I watch how shitty some teachers are (Ms. Koizumi is not included)

As I watch those watching the clock and see the time they have wasted

At last, the last break from the days work

Food... great... rice and asian meat

in a fucking container that makes my backpack big

Freeloading is a must in this situation

I should walk around...

the heck ... a group of Philipinos + Dance Drill Team

a group of Koreans, a group of those feel they dont belong

yet they still stick together

I stand neutral, and just watch

and only commune with those who stand nuetral with me

forget this... what does it matter?

I still walk foward

As I walk to last place in which i enjoy

As I see sweat and those funny hairdos made from sweat

As I enjoy the days work with a ball

As I enjoy watching Badmington struggle in their world

At last, wait... no... i dont want to go just yet...

FUCK! I'm home

I shower then dry

I clothe and groan about how my hair looks even though no one is looking at me.. haha

I eat and drink

I sit and watch tv

I start homework and wait....
I play my lovely guitar and continue making...
I play my lovely piano and continue creating...
songs.. to complete the last two sentences

Til' 6 hours of bitching arrives

dam it mom.. i get it...

A+ Grades

SATs

Do my Homework

Repetition is a pain in the ass
Screw this...I'll stop walking forward and rest

At last, the sun dies, eyes are closed, darkness is king

Til another ressurection of the sun,

til another day where light conquers

til another day where eyes are open

Huh.. repetition is a pain in the ass

 O the joy of Life's Complicated Symphony

Day 15: 500th minute with 500 Days of Summer

 lol man i was bored today.... no school today... lol i watched all lot movies... illegally lol hahaha i watched valentines day.. it wasnt that great. and i watched 500 days of summer lol.. for the 6th time lol hahaha its that good .. too me ... hahhaha...  well my anal mom keeps on yelling at me when i was watching the movie lol... ayyssshhhh w/e im ready for school :D

"You cant describe great cosmic significance to a simple earthly event. Coincidence, thats all anything ever is, nothing more than coincidence.  There is no such thing as fate. Nothing is meant to be."

- 500 Days of Summer